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I am not proud of it, but I got married young and hubby wasn't paying any attention to me. and I wanted a real relationship." For some cheating wives, the affair is truly all about sex, says Nadine Kaslow, Ph D, a family counselor and psychologist at Emory University School of Medicine. When you wait to get married when you're older and more mature, you make a better choice of the appropriate person, and you may be more engaged in the relationship." Also, not all affairs are flings, she points out.I worked 12-hour days to come home every night to be by myself. "When they were dating, there was passion, they want that passion back. "Sometimes people develop an emotional connection, an emotional affair, rather than something sexual." For most women, an inattentive husband is indeed the biggest problem."If the marriage is based on friendship, mutual respect, and caring, it can weather many problems.But after an affair, it's really hard to build that kind of foundation." It may sound un-sexy, but relationships take work. The essence of "working on a relationship" is to talk more often -- and more honestly, says Kaplan.

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There's a very specific ratio -- three positive things for one negative." If your marriage is getting dusty and rusty -- if another guy has caught your eye -- think twice, three times, then think again before you act on it, advises Kaplan. One in five married women has had a fling -- the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. Today's women are acting on the urge, more than ever before, a new survey reveals."You need a marriage counselor, not an affair," he says.Your "need" for an affair has nothing to do with that new guy, he says.

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