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I have a feeling that this essay is a little bit to long but anyway, I'd love to get to know more people. Thanks for BEING an asshole with my formatting, other trait of Reddit that I don't know about. At least, when people are describing me, that’s often what they say.

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Part of me is just a hopeless romantic who likes to sigh wistfully over cheesy stories before bed… I’m tall for a woman, and white enough that the proper shade of foundation for me is known as “Albino Blinder” in the classy shops and “Belly of a Dead Fish” at Target. My lips are all right – they’re quick to quirk a sarcastic grin.

As I’m enjoying my night, I get approached by this guy trying to get an easy hookup. ” Me: “I mean, to oversimplify it, sure.” Guy: “Nah, that sounds f*****.

He makes a pass and I gently turn him down.) Guy: “The f*** does that mean? You probably just haven’t had a partner that knows how to get you going.” Me: “Considering I’m a virgin, I highly doubt it.” Guy: “Wait, if you’ve never had sex, how do you know you don’t like it?

Except, a gently bred noblewoman isn’t going to be up for sex – she wouldn’t be used to hard travel, so her ass and thighs would be pounded into aching jelly, and not “slender and supple,” I don’t care how you justify it. Which basically means people come to chat with myself and others when they feel in danger of suicide or are otherwise in need of help.

Also, he would smell like horse, sweat, and body odor, and they would probably both have breath that smells like what Satan unleashes after a drunken night at Taco Bell. I’m trained to do that, which also means I have a certificate for being a good listener.

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